alloy speaks with fashion stylist Matt King about his relationship with his health.
Photography: Eoin Greally
a black and white image of Matt, a white male with bleach blonde short hair. He’s wearing back trousers and a black textured top with long sleeves by Dexter Wong. There are trees and grass in the background.
I’m Matt King, a London-based stylist, creative director and founder of SORT @sortzine.
Ryan and I met for the first time while shooting a feature. I styled some images of Charlotte and this was my first time shooting in a while since I’d been out of action a bit following a brain haemorrhage way back in January 2021. We got talking about the whole situation and Ryan kindly asked me if I wanted to contribute to the platform with my own story...
So I’ll take you back a bit to earlier this year during the height of the pandemic second wave / third wave? Whichever wave of this disastrous year it was… I started the year super optimistic, after a fun but heavy night with friends for a New Year’s Eve dinner. This followed by a slightly hungover new years day where I listed a tonne of my usual annual “New Year - New Me resolutions”
learn French
read more
list the things I want to achieve for the year
Exercise.
So I decided the first thing I would do is take up running which brings me to how I came about writing this today…
it was a year ago today, around 8am on a really crisp / freezing morning. I put on my running outfit for the third time this year and set off to the park. I was feeling productive and running was on the top of my list, I’m not very sporty and I don’t exercise. Ever. So this was something new for me that excited me for a moment.
I did a few laps of the park. Feeling good. As I took a breath in and out approaching the end of my cycle on the couch to 5k app (lol) my head felt super weird. Like this overwhelming feeling of nausea and pain. I had to concentrate so hard on my breathing to stop myself from passing out. I felt so close to fainting but managed to stay conscious and then my neck started to feel weird so I compressed the back of the neck in the hope it would go away or somehow support the pain. It felt as if my head was going to fall off if I didn’t support the back of my head / neck. I started to panic but slowly walked towards home, sat for a bit. Got up again. Contemplated calling an ambulance but decided I was too embarrassed and something told me, you just pushed the run too hard! Even though I knew this wasn’t true - Anything but think the worst - I managed to make it home after a few pauses to rest on the pavement, when I got home to my partner Joseph I explained something weird had happened and he urged me to eat and lay down, “you probably over did it” yes I thought that’s all it is. But the pain was not going, it was so intense I couldn’t look at the bright light from the window, so I lay in bed with Joseph and my cat Manson watching over me and ate some toast and a banana. moments later I was violently sick 6 times. This is when I started to really think something isn’t right. Joseph called 111 to get advice from a paramedic and they advised us to go to hospital. I arrived at the minor injuries unit. Joseph couldn't come in because of covid so waited outside in the freezing cold. They moved me to major injuries, followed by a CT and MRI scan on my head with an injection of blue dye in my veins so they could see all the blood vessels in my head.
[image descriptions from left to right: a black and white image of matt stood against a wall, laughing, wearing a black vest; a black and white image of matt on a roof with bricks in the background; two coloured images of matt against brick, sat on a chair, wearing a black leather biker jacket and trousers; a close-up image of matt in the biker jacket.]
Moments later, still in the most intense pain I've ever experienced, the results from the scans are: brain haemorrhage/ bleeding in the brain. The pain is worse than ever. I cry. I panic. I called Joseph to come into the hospital, they let him in because of the seriousness of what’s happening. I called my parents to tell them the news. They rush to Homerton Hospital from Kent.
I’m told I need to go to the Royal London hospital to see the neurological consultants. I'm laying there thinking this is not fucking happening to me! There is not a single ambulance in London. The government had announced a red alert for Covid in London. Total nightmare. The nurses ask me if I have friends that can drive. My parents arrive. More crying. More panicking. I feel an overwhelming sense of love for them and for Joseph, so grateful they were there to support me and keep me company.
Fast forward, I arrive at Royal London hospital in an ambulance and as I get wheeled out of the vehicle on a stretcher it starts snowing! Like... end of the world vibes.
Fast forward again the neurological consultants tell me that I was probably born with an aneurysm, but it ruptured due to the high pressure in my head while on the run, made worse by the all the partying I'd done on NYE, this I'm told was the catalyst.
For the next two days I was really drugged up, and being monitored closely by doctors - I was listening to Madonna's Erotica album on repeat to help with the pain.
I went into surgery where neurologist installed three platinum coils into my brain via a blood vessel entering through my wrist to make sure that the haemorrhaged vein could be controlled. Crazy! But I made it. It is a miracle and I’m here to tell the tale.
I came round from the general aesthetic thinking I was in a dark corridor of a club dancing to techno surrounded by friends. Mad!
I made it back to the ward alive! I video called my nearest and dearest announcing I AM ALIVE!!! What a relief!
image descriptions from left to right: a coloured portrait of matt wearing a coloured vest and black sunglasses; a polaroid of matt without sunglasses, standing profile against a brick wall wearing the same vest; a black and white profile shot of matt wearing black jeans and boots and a knitted jumper against park railings; a close-up of matt against a brick wall, looking away from the camera and laughing - he’s wearing black vest top with cutout details and a pearl necklace.
Something like this really knocks you.
I’ve not always been a confident person but in recent years I really found that confidence and love for myself and removed all the shame I felt as a gay kid growing up in a small town where everyone had to play the game of being part of the click. Anybody different would get picked on and that was me. I tried so hard not to be “different” . I guess what I'm trying to say is that when something like this happens to you, it kind of knocks you for six and my anxiety following this has been really intense. The key part of my survival / recovery is my friends, family, colleagues and the ability to focus on creativity and my work. It really helped me in this process to get back to work, to take my mind off the scary parts. I would advise anyone going through a major health issue to do the same, but don't rush back like I did, because I learned the hard way by breaking down on jobs and pushing myself through too quickly.
“Ryan asked if this has changed me as a person.
I don’t think I’m a different person but the therapy sessions I scheduled post brain surgery have definitely made me more aware of who I am; My actions or words and my impact on others around me. We are all so fragile and you just don’t know what is going on with other people so I say treat everyone with kindness.”
[image description - A side-on shot of Matt walking down the pavement holding his head up. He's wearing a dark knitted jumper with cream sleeves layered over a long black tee. His jeans and boots are black. In the background is park railings and trees.]
A lot of my close friends were so supportive while I was in hospital and there was a word that kept coming up from people and that was “resilience.” So many people kept telling me how resilient I am and how strong I am and I’ve never believed that myself before but I really do believe this and I believe everyone is resilient it’s just the realisation we all need to feel it within yourself and when that happens you become really powerful. Now I’m like fuck it If I survived this I can do anything!
Thank you for asking me to be part of this really important platform. I don’t really feel worthy but to share my story felt quite empowering and I’m really grateful to Ryan for giving me this opportunity.
The things I’m excited for in the future! Continued Experiences with friends and family. and some Major projects I’m styling that should be released early this year!