fashion photographer and filmmaker esmé moore’s story
[ID: A black and white portrait of Esmé. She is stood in front of a leafy hedge. She is wearing a dark long-sleeve top, with another dark, deep v-neck top layered on top. She has white skin, dark brown eyes and dark hair that flows past her shoulders. She is smiling and looking into the camera.]
Esmé Moore (@esmedmoore on instagram) is a fashion photographer and filmmaker with Cerebral Palsy, a medical condition that affects her mobility and balance. To date, Esmé’s work has been has been published with SHOWstudio, Harper’s Bazaar Italia and showcased in Harrods, London. You can find a link to her website at the bottom of this page. Here she writes about her experience in the industry so far.
Having grown up in Cornwall, a rural part of the UK composed of striking landscapes and a strong creative community, I was surrounded by different visual mediums from a young age. Although from an early age I had apparently showed an interest in how cameras work, whether it was a video or stills camera, it wasn’t until the age of sixteen that I picked up a camera properly for the first time. Even then it was more out of intrigue than a serious tangible thought I would like to become a photographer, but it didn’t take long for me to get drawn into this little black box and how allowing light in meant that you could capture what you saw in front of you or a scene that you have dreamt up.
It was throughout the next four years that I became more drawn to photographing people, followed by the idea of fashion, something that I had not thought a great deal about before. I always used to look at fashion magazines in awe of the models on their pages, but I suppose that because I never saw anyone that looked like me in the magazines subconsciously I never thought that I could be a part of that world. However, on a somewhat impulse decision founded on my love of photographing people and the desire to discover more about this mysterious and elusive industry, I enrolled to study Fashion Photography at Falmouth University. It was here that I developed a love for photography and later filmmaking as mediums, with the realisation that I could make this into a career. I became absorbed in a world that for me was a form of escapism from the realism of everyday life – I could dream, create work, and see people how I have always seen myself in my mind with no physical restrictions, no stiffness and a continued feeling of fluidity.
Throughout my time at university, I spent my summer breaks interning and trying to get as much experience in the industry as I could from pre-production and studio through to post-production and communication to try and figure out how I would navigate a world that on surface-level may not seem like the easiest or most welcoming industry for someone with a physical disability, or moves differently to others. Yet, I only ever came back to one answer: that I wanted to be behind the camera photographing and making images. With no one to speak to or look up to who was like me and working as a fashion photographer successfully within the industry I thought what I have always thought:
“This is what I want and I am normal, no-one can make my dream except me, even if it is going to be difficult.”
I had been told at this point by different people that becoming a fashion photographer was going to have an added difficulty for me because of how my body functions – because I don’t look the same when I walk or balance. I understand that it was coming from a place of concern and out of a desire to help me live an easier life, however, the idea of forging a career for myself in a different industry that I didn’t want to be a part of just because of the disability cards I have been dealt felt impossible and unfair. At least not before I had tried. The human body is designed to adapt to different situations.
With this in mind I continued forward through the final year of my studies, before moving to London soon after graduation. Having never lived in a city before, let alone a city as big as London, I was excited at the prospects ahead, so many opportunities to meet new people and work with those who thought alike and had a desire to create beautiful fashion films and imagery.
Yet one thing that came to light very quickly upon moving to the capital that had, maybe naively, never crossed my mind before was how quickly others’ perceptions of me can be so openly vocalised. That people within the everyday public seemed to think it was okay to vocalise some quite volatile thoughts in my direction and in such public settings. This has never happened to me before, most probably due to the fact that I grew up in a very close community where all the children in the area were together right from a young age through to adulthood. Therefore, to everyone around me ‘I was just Es’ and not the ‘disabled girl.’ I was equally included within everything.
For the first time, and at the age of 21, I felt like an outsider in society. I came in pursuit of a dream and found myself struggling to feel ‘normal.’ I suddenly felt very ‘disabled’ - A feeling that I had never had before.
Equally at this point, I understood for the first time the physicality of the career I was trying to begin. The more mainstream routes into the photographic industry through assisting or studio work were just not possible for me physically – but neither was it possible for me to convince others to believe that I was capable and so give me a fair chance to prove myself.
I questioned how I was going to take the next step, the avenues that I thought would be possible, suddenly weren’t any longer. There was no guide book for this situation. It wasn’t until I realised that I was trying to take a path that is designed for non-disabled people, that only one real possible answer stood out:
“It was time to move away from the traditional routes and focus on building up my own work, creating images and films with designers and artists where I was the photographer or filmmaker. In my mind this was the solution: from here on in I would be able to be seen through my portfolio that speaks for my creative ability, and not the body that people see in front of them."
Even with this new direction there have been times where my physical ability has brought about the question of “how is this is possible?” Or “are you sure that you can do this?” I always recall one thing: that for people who know nothing about Cerebral Palsy, it can look different on the outside to how it feels on the inside. In my head, I feel like I have the same movement pattern as a non-disabled person, however; I am very aware that my body doesn’t look like that, or function in the same way. As a result, I learnt the massive importance of remaining open to conversation about disability when people ask and I wholeheartedly believe that this has helped people to understand that I can create projects in the same way as other fashion photographers, I might just have to move a little differently.
Although I am still early into my career, I will carry on down this path. In some ways I feel very lucky that, due to my disability, I have begun to create work in a more direct manner. If I did not have Cerebral Palsy I would possibly not have done so at such a young age.
I also hope that in doing so I can show that not everything that meets the eye is what it seems. That yes, people who are disabled will come up against obstacles that a non-disabled person won’t, but that doesn’t change who you are or what you can achieve. This is not only a personal belief of mine, but also a way in which I feel that disabilities should be viewed within today’s society, and something that I hope to showcase in the upcoming months through documentary work with a close friend of mine and fellow filmmaker.
examples of esmé’s work:-
embedded link of Esmé’s short film Side by side, Sisters.